Marriage then Baby Carriage or the other way around?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I dream of a black Prince Charming. I dream of a marriage and then a baby carriage. Dreams don't always come true.
I'm Black. Highly educated. Single. Almost 30.
I'm sure you've heard the "statistics" about my prospects of finding a Black man. Hell, you may even be trying to cope with those realities yourself. I haven’t given up on finding PC, but I am beginning to reconsider the value of living the PC, as in politically correct, way in order to make my dreams come true while I wait on his arrival, which could be another 10 years. Here’s the thing: I really, really, really, really want to have children and I know that more than I know anything else about myself. I want to pass on everything I have worked for to another generation that has passed through my body. If I wait on the “ideal” time to have children (ie, after marriage), I may miss my chance to do what I know I personally was put on Earth to do: mother.
So lately, I've been thinking: Do I have to be married, or even have a man around (other than to impregnate me), to have children?
I get that children that grow up in a two-parent homes do better in school. I get that little boys and girls need a father figure. I get the economics argument against single-parenthood. But my child would overcome most of those statistics easily. I went to school—and did well— for 19 years. And 7 of that was in higher education. I'm pretty sure my offspring will do better than okay in school with my help. I don't make millions as a lawyer, but annually I make more than the average American family. Sure the child wouldn't have a father in the household, but many successful, well-adjusted people haven't had a daddy, including me, and they turned out fine. Of course not having a dad around is not the ideal environment, but it's not the end of the world.
I know the whole idea is un-PC. But let me explain. I have home training. I graduated from high school. I went away to college. On a full-ride. I graduated college, got a good job. I broke the cycle of my family (I grew up poor and without a dad. A statistic), and worked my butt off to become middle class. It’s the American Dream, right? I didn’t stop there though. Then I went to law school. I thought that if I studied law, I would be financially secure -- unlike my mother. If I worked hard, focused, my life would be better than hers. I would get what I wanted out of life.
This is what I was told.
This is what I believed.
And I feel like I've been lied to.
After living all my life the PC way, I'm thinking that if I keep living by the rules and doing the ‘right’ thing, I may miss out on getting what I truly want.
Discuss.
I'm Black. Highly educated. Single. Almost 30.
I'm sure you've heard the "statistics" about my prospects of finding a Black man. Hell, you may even be trying to cope with those realities yourself. I haven’t given up on finding PC, but I am beginning to reconsider the value of living the PC, as in politically correct, way in order to make my dreams come true while I wait on his arrival, which could be another 10 years. Here’s the thing: I really, really, really, really want to have children and I know that more than I know anything else about myself. I want to pass on everything I have worked for to another generation that has passed through my body. If I wait on the “ideal” time to have children (ie, after marriage), I may miss my chance to do what I know I personally was put on Earth to do: mother.
So lately, I've been thinking: Do I have to be married, or even have a man around (other than to impregnate me), to have children?
I get that children that grow up in a two-parent homes do better in school. I get that little boys and girls need a father figure. I get the economics argument against single-parenthood. But my child would overcome most of those statistics easily. I went to school—and did well— for 19 years. And 7 of that was in higher education. I'm pretty sure my offspring will do better than okay in school with my help. I don't make millions as a lawyer, but annually I make more than the average American family. Sure the child wouldn't have a father in the household, but many successful, well-adjusted people haven't had a daddy, including me, and they turned out fine. Of course not having a dad around is not the ideal environment, but it's not the end of the world.
I know the whole idea is un-PC. But let me explain. I have home training. I graduated from high school. I went away to college. On a full-ride. I graduated college, got a good job. I broke the cycle of my family (I grew up poor and without a dad. A statistic), and worked my butt off to become middle class. It’s the American Dream, right? I didn’t stop there though. Then I went to law school. I thought that if I studied law, I would be financially secure -- unlike my mother. If I worked hard, focused, my life would be better than hers. I would get what I wanted out of life.
This is what I was told.
This is what I believed.
And I feel like I've been lied to.
After living all my life the PC way, I'm thinking that if I keep living by the rules and doing the ‘right’ thing, I may miss out on getting what I truly want.
Discuss.