In 2010 I will celebrate my 30^th birthday.

As I look back over my 20s I think I was far too serious for such a curious, outgoing and fun-natured girl.

Here's the sum of my 20s: college, career with federal government (attended law school in the evenings), Lawyer.

Boring.

Sure there have been trips here and there, but I missed out on studying abroad and Spring Break because I was devoted to studying and committed to internships. Back then my career aspirations came first. As I think about that girl I see an anxiety ridden young lady afraid of venturing too far off the path, even though I am an off-the beaten path type of girl. But as I look forward to entering another decade, I am resolved to spend more time doing the things that I love the most: exploring the world and studying the human experience—in another life I am an anthropologist. This would make me very happy.

So I've already began to think about how I will make it work and as I reshape my priorities, they look more like this:

1. Travel
   
2. Family
   
3. Career
   

I am reminded of my grandmother, a woman before her time. She was born in the 1930s and spent her life as a housewife and reared 8 children. As a young girl, I watched her teach herself to speak Spanish using audiocassettes. But unfortunately she never made it to Spain, Mexico or even the Bronx, to experience the joy of engaging in conversation with a language she loved.

My grandmother's story ignites a new sense of urgency within my soul and helps to soothe the anxiety I sometimes feel when I think about my desire to obtain the additional titles of wife and mother.

My fears of venturing off the path are replaced with a new fear: this may be my only opportunity to spend time doing what I want to do without having to consider a husband or children.

I am a woman on my way.

Michelle Obama.

Princess Tiana.

It’s a good time to be a little girl. Especially a black little girl.

Too bad I am in the group of successful, black and lonely women that knows from experience that life is no fairytale.

Nevertheless, this weekend I was one of the millions of moviegoers that made Disney’s introduction of the first black princess, Princess Tiana in The Princess and the Frog the number one movie this past weekend. TPF is based loosely on the Brother’s Grimm fairy tale, The Frog Prince. I didn’t expect much from the movie – I was already annoyed that the Prince appeared to be racially ambiguous and I had heard that Princess Tiana was a frog for the majority of the movie. I just went because, um, well . . .I could not miss it.

I can admit when I am wrong. I absolutely LOVED this movie and found it to be extremely timely and relevant for young and old(er) princesses alike with so many short quick messages, I had to take notes via twitter.

The movie begins with Tiana’s mother reading the tale of the Frog Prince to young Tiana and Charlotte, the daughter of a wealthy white New Orleans man. Charlotte couldn’t get enough of the love story. She jumped up and down and begged for Tiana’s mother to read it again. Meanwhile, Tiana wasn’t buying it and stated emphatically:

“I am never, ever, ever, ever, ever gonna kiss a frog.”

When I heard Tiana utter those words, I knew that things over at Disney were a changing. I also recognized the statement to be metaphorically similar to: I am not lowering my standards just to have a man. A statement that I have heard many of my own girlfriends state. Not to mention, the blogosphere, which is ablaze with commentary on the black woman’s need to reevaluate their standards for practical purposes. Not saying all black women feel this way, I’m just saying I could relate to where little Tiana was coming from. But the reality is you never know what package your prince is going to come in or where he is going to come from so in order to better your changes of meeting your prince you should always keep an open mind--A lesson that Tiana learns by the end of the movie.

The next scene takes us to an older Tiana who is working two jobs as a waitress in order to save enough money so that she can fulfill the dream she shared with her father of opening her own restaurant. Tiana is determined, hardworking and the recipient of insults for her hard work. While she was waiting on a table of her friends they asked Tiana to come out and go dancing with them and Tiana replies (in song):

“I don’t have time for dancing, that’s just gonna have to wait awhile.”

Again, this line struck awfully close to home. The subtext of my life is apparently also the subtext of Tiana’s life as she made similar statements throughout the movie. During a conversation with the frog, Tiana informs him that “the only way to get anything out of life is through hard work.” When the frog says to her, “you shouldn’t have to work so hard, you’re a princess,” Tiana’s response is: “I am no princess.” Aww . . .how dreadful, right? Kinda puts me in the mind of Sojourner Truth’s historic Ain't I a Woman speech. Historically, black women have always had a heavier load to bear, making it easy to understand why even today, many black women find it difficult to strike the balance between their responsibilities and taking time out to enjoy life or to take care of them first. Perhaps you know women that are so determined to finish school, or are so enthralled in their careers that they don’t have time to date and/or have difficulty letting a man take care of them. For many black women, life has been anything but a fairy tale and they are rarely the princess.

Drama ensues and through a series of unfortunate events (including some voodoo and typical Disney music), that I will not detail here: Tiana kisses the frog (whom is actually a racially ambiguous, disowned, financially strapped Prince Naveen of Maldonia) and she becomes a frog herself which sets them both on a mission to be turned back human and fulfill her dream before the building she has been eyeing before her restaurant is sold to a higher bidder.

I have to admit there were some racially charged moments for me. I was annoyed that Prince Naveen was broke (and racially ambiguous) and at one point Tiana calls the frog a “no-count, philandering, lazy bump on a log.” This made me want to tell Tiana that we have to be careful about introducing racialized language and stereotypes into our love lives. I expect that there are crowds of angry black men, long having been called lazy, no-counts, that will fight this battle for me. I am guessing that Al Sharpton has not seen the movie yet.

“When you find out who you are, you find out what you need.”

This line came from voodoo priestess Mama Odie whom the frogs, Prince Naveen and Tiana, have sought out to turn them back into humans. But isn’t this message also true in real life? Translation: Enjoy who you are now and where you are now. Get that under control. Once that is under control you will be in a better place to assess your needs. Its around this time that my favorite line of the movie comes out.

”I will do whatever it takes to make all your dreams come true, because I love you.”

It’s from the Prince. He’s fallen in love with Tiana and wants to propose to her, but Tiana is more concerned with breaking the spell so that the Prince can marry Lulu, get her money and then give it to Tiana so that she can buy her restaurant. This is the ultimate lesson. My wish for all women is to learn this fundamental lesson: when a man loves you and wants to be with you nothing will stop him from being with you. He, just like the Prince, will do whatever it takes. But just when Tiana is starting to let go and fall for the prince, the bottom falls out (or so she thinks), she begins to once again become cynical and we hear the all too familiar language of cynics and haters:

“Just because you wish for something doesn't mean its true. Open your eyes now, before you get hurt.”

Luckily Tiana, the hater is short-lived and as she begins to reflect on her life and the life of her father she discovers that she is not too sure about what she wants anymore and she has two aha moments. 1) she may not always have what she wants, but she has always had what she needs—LOVE and 2) her dream would not be complete without her frog[man] in it. So she decides to accept the frog for what he is.

Mama Oldie officiates the the two frogs’ wedding ceremony and when they kiss, they are both returned to humans and we get another message, this time from the Prince:

“Once you became my wife, you became a princess.”

I would like to think that this lesson is self-explanatory and that it will be as strong for all little boys and bigger boys as it will be for little girls and old(er) girls alike. The next scene shows Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen’s happily ever after: the two of them working and living her dream. No riding off on a white horse to some mythical land far, far away to live his dream. Instead he is a partner in her dream. Truly a modern fairy tale. Now ain’t that grand?

Follow me on twitter: @kokoesquire.

I dream of a black Prince Charming. I dream of a marriage and then a baby carriage. Dreams don't always come true.

I'm Black. Highly educated. Single. Almost 30.

I'm sure you've heard the "statistics" about my prospects of finding a Black man. Hell, you may even be trying to cope with those realities yourself. I haven’t given up on finding PC, but I am beginning to reconsider the value of living the PC, as in politically correct, way in order to make my dreams come true while I wait on his arrival, which could be another 10 years. Here’s the thing: I really, really, really, really want to have children and I know that more than I know anything else about myself. I want to pass on everything I have worked for to another generation that has passed through my body. If I wait on the “ideal” time to have children (ie, after marriage), I may miss my chance to do what I know I personally was put on Earth to do: mother.

So lately, I've been thinking: Do I have to be married, or even have a man around (other than to impregnate me), to have children?

I get that children that grow up in a two-parent homes do better in school. I get that little boys and girls need a father figure. I get the economics argument against single-parenthood. But my child would overcome most of those statistics easily. I went to school—and did well— for 19 years. And 7 of that was in higher education. I'm pretty sure my offspring will do better than okay in school with my help. I don't make millions as a lawyer, but annually I make more than the average American family. Sure the child wouldn't have a father in the household, but many successful, well-adjusted people haven't had a daddy, including me, and they turned out fine. Of course not having a dad around is not the ideal environment, but it's not the end of the world.

I know the whole idea is un-PC. But let me explain. I have home training. I graduated from high school. I went away to college. On a full-ride. I graduated college, got a good job. I broke the cycle of my family (I grew up poor and without a dad. A statistic), and worked my butt off to become middle class. It’s the American Dream, right? I didn’t stop there though. Then I went to law school. I thought that if I studied law, I would be financially secure -- unlike my mother. If I worked hard, focused, my life would be better than hers. I would get what I wanted out of life.

This is what I was told.

This is what I believed.

And I feel like I've been lied to.

After living all my life the PC way, I'm thinking that if I keep living by the rules and doing the ‘right’ thing, I may miss out on getting what I truly want.

Discuss.