Click here for a transcript of the text message conversation that started my rant.

I'm not quite sure when the text message revolution began. All I know is -- I don't like it. Actually, I absolutely hate for a man to engage me in a conversation via text. I'll entertain it for a few lines, but a look at my SMS folder will reveal to you that SMS conversations usually end when I ignore his last statement. My thing is, if you really want to speak with me you would pick up the phone and call. If you don't call, I just assume that you aren't really serious about communicating with me. And (consequently) you will be ignored. To me texting is juvenile; and since -- excuse my French -- I am a grown ASS woman, I simply CANNOT with this text messaging BULLSHIT.

So today, I'm helping out my ladies by giving a few tips to men on phone communication. It's unfortunate that situations have come to this but it Is necessary.

1. TEXTING IS RUDE
   You don't know what a woman's text message bundle is looking like. Some fool went off and decided it was okay to charge the recipient for text message that they receive. Thus it doesn't matter that she didn't initiate conversation, she may still end up paying for that wack: What's up message you just sent. And no, it is not okay to assume that everyone has an unlimited text messaging bundle. It is just not okay and not everyone does. I mean, I just got one last year and it was because I was sick of paying overage for folks to send me text message. (For real, I rarely text) So when you text a person, without first asking their permission to text them you are actually being rude and perhaps a wee bit obnoxious.
   

   
    

2. INTENT OF TEXTS ARE OFTEN LOST IN TRANSLATION.
   Part of the issue with texting is that the intent behind the words you are typing is more easily lost upon the reader when they can't hear the intonations in your voice. Take for instance, the conversation above between me and dude. I was just joking when I suggested that he wanted to be chased. But he took it and ran with it because he didn't hear the jokey joke in my voice. And now, his chances of ever having anything serious with me have been severely impaired. Why? Because anyone that is strictly business (in my mind) would know that texting is inappropriate when attempting to deal romantically with a woman. And quite frankly, his messages had a subtext of bitchassness.
   

   
    

3. JUST PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE!
   If you are a grown man, about your issues, and serious about communicating with a woman, you need to do like we did in '96 and pick up the phone and call her. Anyone can carry on a relationship when all it requires is 180 characters, Applebees, and a booty call. But it's far hard to fake chemistry during a one on one phone conversation. If she's dry, you will know it, because she won't be talking about nothing. If he's really at his boys watching the game, you will know it because you will hear them yelling in the background and teasing him about "treeboxing". But in all seriousness, taking time out of your schedule to speak to a woman that you are interested in shows a lot about who you are as a man, and goes a great way to convey your level of interest. When all a man wants to do is text me, I immediately label him: not serious, juvenile, LAME and (cue Jay-Z) I'm on to the NEXT.
   
   Using the phone to speak more and text less may actually be in your best interest. If Tiger Woods hadn't sent those texts to ol girl, there would be less of a verifiable record of their communication. He's been losing ever since. Same thing with Kwame Kilpatrick who had the nerve to exchange "hot and steamy" text messages with a staffer (Click here for a transcript of all 6,000 messages). These text messages were used to impeach Mr. Kilpatrick in court and he ultimately lost his job as one of the youngest mayors in the country. In these instances texting did not serve anyone's best interest.
   

So here's the deal men, if you are listening: TEXTING IS WACK, TEXTING IS CHEAP! STOP IT!!!!

With that said, I recognize that there are circumstances under which texting is acceptable (even to me): Brief information exchange when one party is unavailable, directions/address information, status updates (i.e. I'm sitting at the bar, I'll be there in 5 minutes, I'm going to have to work late, etc.) and FLEXTING – flirting via text. Ok, I admit I like when guys flirt with me via text . . .SOMETIMES.

Texting is not ok: to initiate conversations, recite obituaries, chain letters, dirty jokes, or to extend holiday wishes.

Get it together people.

Follow me on Twitter: @kokoesquire